Deep freeze.

It was Polish winter in 1983 and we just got snowed in. I was 5 then. My brother Pawel 9. We were best mates. Soul mates. Inseparable. I loved him with every fibre of my body. Loved him with my soul... That day changed the course of my life forever...

We are all here on our own individual journeys. Our own lessons to learn, missions to fulfill, but it all comes down to reaching our full potential. Vibrating at a highest, purest level possible. We are here to let spirit crack us open, learn what we've signed up for and embrace the fullness of our existence. Embrace the journey of becoming. When we come to this world we know what we are here for and then around the age of 7 we all experience something like a "spiritual amnesia" and the more unresolved pain and trauma the further we veer off our true path.

My journey was about loving myself fully and reclaiming my gifts I abandoned. My journey is about embracing the pain and letting it serve as guidance for others. To see the power within us. 

That winter day, me my brother and a couple of his friends, ventured out probably way too far away from home. It was really cold and we just had the biggest dump of snow. We had so much fun. Building tunnels under the snow, climbing down and in and under and then wrecking them and letting them collapse. Then at some stage my brother told me to go home. I so badly didn't want to go. Maybe I just knew what was going to happen... He got quite stern with me and told me to take the dog and go home NOW! God, I was so angry with him. For not letting me stay, not letting me have fun, for bossing me around. I was so mad with him I wished he got in trouble with mum. I never saw him or spoke to him ever again... I took ages to walk back home, sulking. Just as I got home, a friend came running for help. My brother was in trouble. Now, I'm not quite sure what happened. There was so much grief around it and no-one ever talked about it, but I believe/ have this knowing my brother suffocated that day in snow. There was a frozen lake there and I remember dad reaching for a ladder to pull him out, but for some reason I remember thinking that it was useless. My soul knew... My brother got taken by ambulance to the hospital, but it was too late. A huge part of me died with him that day. Seeing the pain I thought I caused, by wishing him ill will ( I was aware of my ability to work with energy and spirits back then), seeing my mother go grey overnight, sensing her wanting to leave us. Apparently my 5 year old self sat on mum's lap and asked her " Please, don't leave me" when I knew she wanted to end her suffering. 

For nearly 35 years I ( subconsciously) blamed myself for my brother's death. For being angry at him for telling me to go home, for leaving him there, for not staying there to save him. There probably were times when I wanted to talk about it, but I felt I had no one to talk to and whenever I tried I'd be told my feelings were not valid. So I believed them. I believed the stories I was told and told myself in the process that my gifts were evil, that I was crazy, that I wasn't worthy of this life. So I burried my pain and my abilities well down until it was time to finally heal it.  

My whole healing journey started with one inner child meditation. It was a guided meditation on YouTube, but I knew I was really guided by my Higher Self. I travelled all the way back to when I was in the womb and was shown where subconsciously I was still holding on to pain and trauma. The next step was revisiting those moments and healing them at quantum level.

My brother's death had such a huge impact on me that it took a couple of stages to heal. First journeying I've done to heal the loss of my brother took me to day of his funeral. I saw myself standing outside of the chapel. All alone. Everyone full in grief and me standing there believing I deserved that because I caused it. These were the beginnings of my journeying and it was such a powerful experience. For my Higher Self to actually feel standing next to that little, scared 5yo girl. In my journey, I grabbed her by the hand. I remember her cute plaits, the tears rolling down her cheeks. I told her she was loved, safe and always protected. I remember taking her aside. There was a field of dandelions. I remember seeing blue skies, sun. We grabbed the puffy dandelions and wished upon them. To stop the pain. I felt a sense of warmth and light. I told her: "It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok". And I just hugged her so she knew she was not alone. 

Another journey I did I met my brother on the beach. I started understanding my abilities and knew I can travel anywhere I want to. That I can revisit places, talk to my passed on loved ones. That day I felt raw and I just wanted to talk to my dad one more time. He passed away 3 years after my brother and I never really got to say "Good bye' to him, either. So I got myself all ready. Asked my guides to take me to my loved one I need to talk to right now and by surprise I was taken to a beautiful, pristine, magical white beach. There were two wooden swings and my brother was waiting on one of them for me. He was all grown up. A beautiful light being, all dressed in white. And there was this crystalline light about him. I was surprised, but I knew there was a reason for our visit. We hugged. We sat on the swings and talked. He wanted to know all about me. My beautiful kids, the amazing Earthly experience. I told him I was so sorry for what happened back in 1983 and he told me it wasn't my fault. He told me I was exactly were I was supposed to be. So I left the journeying trusting the process. 

Things started shifting in 3D. I felt surrendering to the journey and started noticing how I was being guided back to my abilities. My intuition started getting stronger, my dreams more meaningful, signs and synchronicities started appearing everywhere. In the process, I worked through forgiving myself and finally loving myself. One day, I felt guided to meditate on activating my "pineal gland". Pineal gland is also known as our "third eye"also called the mind's eye or inner eye. It is a mystical and esoteric idea of an invisible eye, usually depicted as located on the forehead, which provides perception beyond ordinary sight. Our intuition. Being aware of the fact that I've rejected my spiritual gifts caused by trauma that winter, I was now ready to fully embrace them. I was fully aware of what was happening. I was healing and reclaiming my gifts was part of the process. I was committed to reclaiming my gifts and ascending further and further every day. 

I got myself all ready: candles, incense, gentle music and asked my spirits and guides, my Higher Self to please be with me. To guide me. Help me see, help me hear. I was taken back to the day my brother died. To where he died. All I could see was snow. He held me and said : "Remember, I will always love you. I'm always here.". That totally triggered me. I started bawling my eyes. I cried so bad I have never before. I felt the heaviness of those tears. I knew I was releasing left over pain. I was sobbing, I was vocal. I wanted to let it all out. Then I took a breath and a tear got into my throat and I started choking. I kept trying and trying to clear my throat coughing gasping for air! I realised I stopped breathing. Then I heard my brother say " Breathe. Take that breath. Live." My brother placed his hand on my forehead and kissed my 3rd eye. It felt like for eternity, but in that split second I thought: "Yes. I want to live. I am worthy of this life!" And I took a deep breath. My chest hurt like when babies take their first breath. My airways felt so clear. I felt alive again. I was born again. 

Two weeks later I attended my first Reiki seminar. Interestingly, I had to postpone it twice. So when I finally made it to Latrobe, Tasmania I knew I was ready for the next part of my journey.

During the gong session I was taken back again to where my brother died. I had a vision of a snowy blizzard. I trudged through the snow, icy wind blasting in my face. I arrived at a frozen lake. I cut a hole in the ice, jumped in and started going deeper and deeper. It was getting very dark and I was freezing and scared. But I kept going. My guides were telling me to look for something I lost that day and then I saw it. A pearl. Right at the very bottom, under the rocks. I grabbed it and rushed to the surface feeling like I was running out of oxygen, but determined to make it. Wen I looked up, there was someone standing on top of the frozen lake. It was my Higher Self waiting for me. I didn't know what I was meant to do with that pearl. The divine being took the pearl and gently placed on my forehead and it just fit beautifully where my third eye was. And then it just got absorbed and a beam of light started coming from my 3rd eye. I was ready. I had all the tools I needed.

I have not felt the need to revisit that day again. I'm at peace. The hardest part of the dark night of the soul was over and I was fully aware of the magical journey I was on. The journey of home coming and oh boy, what a journey it's been. 

Welcome to my world. Dimensional travelling. Spirit. The source. Showing you all of me. And I know it can be bit much to some, but it’s real, it’s authentic. And I’m proud of it. Hope you can take something out of it. When I travel for others I meet their Higher Self, their pain or joy. I’m taken where I’m supposed to go. To see and hear what I’m supposed to see and hear. To help heal. Travelling between dimensions helps me see what our subconscious is trying to tell us. Something we just can't see in this dimension. See how powerful we are. See the magic and divinity in our existence.

Let me know what you think ✨

From my heart to yours. Marta ✨


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1 comment

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