Don't fail me now...

A little while ago I had the weirdest dream experience ever. It felt like my body was asleep and resting, but my brain fully awake and active. I woke up absolutely rested. I spoke about that to a friend at my morning swim that day. My theory, I was going through another ascension and my guides wanted me, my body to rest while my brain, my subconscious were receiving necessary upgrades and light codes. My crown was on fire. We talked about unihemispheric sleep and how disturbed sleep patterns can be trauma response. Yes, with my eldest being on autism spectrum who struggles with sleep it seems like we haven't slept properly for ages and we are going through a rough patch at the moment, but it seemed more than trauma response to me. I hopped in the car after my swim and saw 2 chewey lollies I put in there a while ago for "emergency " situations. I'm not much of a lolly eater, but that morning I decided to go for one for some reason. I went for the one in purple wrapper for my crown chakra. They were one of those lollies that have "Did you know..." facts written on them. I could not believe when I read mine! Was my sleep a metaphor for the survival tactics I developed in my life in order to keep myself safe from dangers in my environment and to not "drown"?? 

"Did you know only one half of dolphin's brain sleeps at a time, so it doesn't drown."
Crazy, right!? But that's how spirit communicates with me. Songs, synchronicities, nature, random signs, birds, feathers, dreams, journeying. ANYTHING. I'm also clairvoyant, clairsentient, clairaudiant and claircognizant. And even though I might've rejected it before, I'm fully open to that dialogue now. I'm committed to walking with spirit every day. Walking in light. I messaged my friend right away and told her the fact and joked that the reason for my weird sleep was that I'm part dolphin. Well, I've journeyed to many mystical places, to other dimensions, met with magickal creatures, I astral travel every night, I communicate telepathically, I work with energy at quantum level, I access my Akashic records... I live between worlds. Nothing surprises me anymore. 
I have felt a connection to Lemuria for a while now. The legend says that after a cataclysm brought on by conflict between this highly evolved race and invaders, a lot of Lemurians sought shelter in caves, oceans and eventually evolved into dolphins, whales and Mermaid races. We are talking thousands of years ago!! I have been joined by family of dolphins in my healing sessions many times. My love of water, my swimming, my past lives connection to water and my healing journey. Was my soul remembering something? 
Before I was able to breathe on both sides during freestyle, my left shoulder got really sore. Shoulders as far as energy work can be manifestation of carrying too much on one's shoulders, the burdens of life. Left side in our bodies representing feminine energy. Masculine and feminine energies have nothing to do with gender. We all have both energies within us. Ying and yang. The key is balance, a dance between the two and knowing where and when to use each. I will write about masculine and feminine energies in a separate post.
I read somewhere that using flippers helps take the pressure off your shoulders and I have used them for a while, but once I was truly healing and started taking breaths on both sides during freestyle I no longer felt the need to use them. Actually, they were in my way. Can't help but wonder, if those flippers represented some of my survival tactics ( my “favourite” extreme independence) I developed as a trauma response?
A little while after my weird sleeping experience I journeyed to see, if I have any more blockages and if so where. I felt a pull. While I was swimming one morning a wave of feeling safe in the water washed over me. Safe from what? Safe from who?? If I feel safe in the water, does it mean I feel the opposite out if it? So, I set an intention to help me find what's blocking me and help me heal and move on from what no longer served me. I found myself on the beach. A masculine figure by my side. My divine partner? I wanted to open my heart to him and walk by his side on that beach, but instead I ran into the water where I felt safe. Where he couldn't hurt me. No one could hurt me. My heart was safe. I stayed in the water watching his silhouette on the beach. He made it clear he wasn't going anywhere. " When you're ready" I heard. My vision faded. I couldn't believe I still did not trust others with my heart. 
Soon after my meditation, I noticed my left knee was hurting. Legs, knees usually have to do with movement. Ability to move forward. During my morning swim I was really struggling and thought I might have to cut my swim short. I started wondering what was this pain manifestation of? Was it a fear of moving forward with someone? To heal that fear I acknowledged it and directed warm, healing energy to my knee and kept it there while swimming. I have managed to do my usual lap count and by the end the pain subsided, too. But I went home bummed a little. Clearly something was still blocking me. I'm committed to removing all that no longer serves me. Do as I preach so I decided to put my money where my mouth is and I journeyed again looking for answers. I was taken back to the same beach I was on with my divine masculine before. In my mind's eye I saw a beautiful open ocean ahead of me. To the left a hilly edge with trees reaching tall. I was sunbathing on the rock formation reaching far out into the ocean. The scales on mermaids tail glistening brightly. Was it a deep deep ancestral wound from my Lemurian life time and seeking shelter with my ocean tribe or was the Mermaid’s tail a metaphor for my survival tactics I developed in life in order to protect my heart? Or both… Either way, even though I longed to be on that beach with my divine partner I was afraid. I knew that to be on that beach with him I'd have to give up my mermaids tail for ever. There was no room for survival tactics anymore. Only room for real vulnerability and that was a lot for the little mermaid. But I no longer wanted to be afraid. I asked the spirit, my guides to guide me. I was committed to releasing anything that was blocking me. And then I heard a voice: " You're a good swimmer now." That's it! I didn't need mermaids tail, flippers to stay above the water. To deal with emotions that come up my way. No survival tactics to protect my heart. All the tools that I needed were within me. I placed my intention, the loving energy, the loving light on my tail & whispered: "You're a good swimmer now. You can catch yourself. You're safe" and with that I released the last thing that was holding me back, the mermaids tail, that last survival tactic and took that dive into the deep waters and swam to the shore. 
I was greeted by the masculine figure. He reached his hand to me and we walked. My legs a little shaky at first. Like a baby taking first steps. I could feel the energy of wet sand between my toes.
A couple of days later I had an unplanned trip down south and found myself walking on a beach. It was the beach from my meditation!! Even though it was a freezing morning, I immediately took my shoes off to feel the wet sand between my toes. My knee no longer sore. Like magic. I realised I have actually showed up on that beach in 3D, feet firmly planted. Made me wonder, was the masculine figure a representation of the masculine energies within me and the mermaid the now healed feminine energies within me? Now walking together in perfect union as one. ME. That morning a song played on the radio. Spirit communicates with me via songs often. My Higher Self loud and clear:
"Feet don't fail me now.
Heart don't fail me now.
I'm ready.
I promise I'll be stronger.
Darkness won't hurt us any longer.
Because I'm ready."
Since the beach walk I managed to heal at a deep energetic level and release fully what was still holding me back from living my truth. A combination of trust issues and shattered dreams deeply imprinted in my DNAI also realised I never processed the wound of loosing our family home in Poland. I saw the huge impact it had on my mum, my siblings, myself. Fear of repeating the pattern, fear of heartbreak. Memory of unprocessed childhood trauma deeply imprinted in my cell memory. I have now processed and healed that wound at a deep, energetic level. Time to step back from this place, from the farm. I’m ready. I decided to close this chapter and we will be selling the farm and will be stepping back from the soap business until further notice. But I'm not done yet. It's only just the beginning. I'm committed to my spiritual growth. I have a new dream. My heart is calling me in a new direction and I have to honour that call to step into my truth fully. I know exactly where I'm headed. I might not know how I get there yet, but I wholly surrender to the journey and trust the process. So, here's to a new chapter and I can't wait to see where it takes me. 
From my heart to yours. With love and light. Marta ✨
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