The snake will always bite back...

My rose coloured glasses shattered and I finally realised how little I was willing to accept... I had my final tower moment regarding a connection at the beginning of 2020 ( in tarot tower signifies a pretty brutal & painful collapse of old beliefs, faulty foundations etc) where I realised I actually didn’t believe I deserved to be loved.

I grew up without a healthy male figure. My dad passed away only 3 years after my brother (closely followed by passing of my uncle and my granddad). I was 9 when dad passed away. Mum was dealing with her pain (and skewed perception of masculinity for reasons I might never find out). Now, this is not parent bashing post. I know she did the best she could with her trauma, the tools and the support she had. But growing up without the needed amount of (parental) emotional support to get through what happened in 1983 had a huge impact on me and it spilled over all of my relationships: friends, colleagues, bosses, lovers... I would sacrifice my happiness to please others. Part of my childhood trauma surrounding my brothers death was that I always felt (subconsciously of course) responsible for others happiness. If I sensed other’s pain, sadness I subconsciously thought it was my fault and I’d do anything to keep people happy. People pleasing, no boundaries, sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of others’ happiness was a big part of me. All subconscious and well intended of course. I was never good with relationships. I'd always end up with emotionally unavailable people. And because of my lack of boundaries and self worth, I’d let people take me, my love, my kindness for granted and take advantage of me. So I preferred to stay away from them altogether. There was a voice deep within me that would question: "Who would love me anyway, right?!". Universe listens. You manifest the energy you vibrate at. Remember, our inner world creates our outer world. “As above so below. As within so without”. Do you feel stuck anywhere? Blocked? Look around your environment. Can you see dampness, coldness, stagnation??? Pay attention to your body. Are there any ailments? Work on your inner self and you’ll see the change manifest in your reality. Like magick.

I truly believe my dark night of the soul was triggered by this one, divinely orchestrated connection. A soul mate, twin flame, karmic, divine counterpart. Whatever you name it, it was a strong soul contract we’ve signed up for. In my past life regression I’ve done for myself, I learnt we’ve done it many lives before. The soul tie was insane. The telepathy, the attraction. Like moth to a flame... The feeling of longing for home I had all my life was all of a sudden gone. I never felt anything like this for anyone ever before. But our wounding got in the way. We’ve done that hot and cold dance before. It was time to end that karmic cycle.

Spirit communicates with me via all sorts of ways. All sorts of things. It can be songs, synchronicities, birds, feathers, people, my health, environment, etc. My dreams were profound this time. I started having some reoccurring dreams so I knew I had to look for the message they were trying to give me. It was a snake dream or dreams rather. I’ve dreamt of walking across snake infested waters, I dreamt of a snake under my bed, I dreamt of snakes wrapping themselves around me, I dreamt of snakes in my garden... That snake dream represented an unhealthy pattern, a fear, a connection. I used to be terrified of snakes both in awake and dream state. Now, I’ve learnt how to stay away from them. Same applies to the unhealthy pattern.

I was healing, I was doing really well. Until I gave into it to feel taken for granted again. I did everything I could to cut the tie, but the pull was still there. I felt so stupid. I knew I had more healing to do. Then one night I had a snake dream. I was back at my childhood home. I saw my little self, my inner child standing on the steps. Terrified. A massive snake was slithering her way. I didn’t know what to do. I was stuck. I was stuck in the dream and I was stuck with the connection in 3D, too. The very next day I decided to journey to other worlds to see where and why I was stuck. I asked spirit for answers, to show me, guide me. Help me see, help me hear. First I saw myself in one of my previous lives. Judging by the clothes, setting it was long time ago. I was a young woman who finally decided to leave an unhealthy marriage. I grabbed my children and got on a boat. Unfortunately, there was a huge storm and the ship sank. In my past life, my children did not survive. I finally realised in my journeying there was this insanely deeply rooted, past this life time, paralysing fear of walking away. Something I wouldn’t be able to see and understand without being able to travel to other dimensions. I took a deep breath and asked spirit for help me heal this fear. Surprisingly, I was immediately taken to the same spot from my dream the night before. My little self, my inner child, was standing there again on those steps and a giant snake was making its way towards her. And in that moment I thought: "You're safe, she's safe. No one is going to get hurt." And I summoned all my courage and yelled to the little one “Run!” and pulled a beautiful silver sword and chopped that snake up. I knew, I just did some profound healing work. I finally realised I deserved so much more. I felt finally ready to honour me, my heart and walk away. Do what’s best for me. Wanting to love someone is not enough. They need to be ready to receive our love. A couple of weeks later I had another snake dream. This time it was a male. He thought he was all tough and ended up getting bitten by a snake over and over again. He was standing there for a while, but after taking yet another bite, collapsed. I watched it from behind a glass wall. I was safe. And then I had yet another snake dream! It was in my garden. I was ok. I knew, if I stay away from it I’d be fine, but it did make me feel uncomfortable and I still didn’t like the fact that it was there. The next day I journeyed again. I was taken to his place. There were snakes everywhere. He was sitting on the sofa. Snakes wrapping themselves tight around him. He couldn't move. He looked terrified. He looked at me and said: “Well, what you’re looking at?!? You took care of your snakes. Take care of mine!” I hesitated for a moment then replied: “ Not my snakes to take care of...” And I walked away.

Walking away in another dimension helped me manifest it also in my reality. I finally healed my wound of trying to save others stemming from my brother’s death. I finally realised I’m not responsible for other people’s happiness, I don’t need to save anyone. We need to save ourselves first, put that proverbial “oxygen mask on” on ourselves first. Interestingly, this year we didn't have a snake visit. Instead we had a visit from a beautiful Tasmanian Blue-tongued lizard in my cottage garden. A powerful Spirit Animal indeed. My sensitivity used to be taken for granted. I have a new sense of healthy feminine in me. Loving, kind, intuitive, compassionate, heart space wide open, yet assertive, able to stand up for herself and strong enough to roar, if you piss her off. I’ve healed my mother wound, I've healed my father wound. I’ve healed my feminine. I’ve healed my masculine. Yin yang balanced.

Healing my inner child allowed me to arrive at a place I never thought possible. A place of peace and total surrender. I know I’m on my true path now, but there’s no desire to get to the final destination. It’s about the journey and the NOW. And every day I let the spirit and my guides guide me. I have surrendered to the journey fully. And at this stage of my life I don't need to be with anyone. I'm open to it, but there is no desire, no longing to partner up. What's meant for me will not pass me by. I’m truly happy. I like my new sense of true freedom. Freedom from the pain I carried for so long. I feel loved, supported, fulfilled. I’m committed to my personal and spiritual growth. But firstly, I’m committed to myself. Loving myself again. Fully.

Fall in love with yourself. You’re worthy.

From my heart to yours. Marta ✨

* To book a healing session with me click here or reach out on thesaltoftheurth@gmail.com to book your FREE 15 minute consultation.