The calm after the storm.

I've always been terrified of electrical storms. There was this unexplained fear. I remember as a child hiding behind coats in a little "built-in wardrobe-to-be" cavity in a hall we had in our house with doors leading to other rooms closed. Terrified. Yes, I have been told stories by my family members of little kids working hard on farms being struck by lightning. Yes, I remembered two important times in my life when thunder rolled in unexpected, but I had my dad to protect me. Was I afraid because he was no longer there?? It felt deep. Soul deep. I knew there had to be more to it. 

Back in November last year I had a major break down problem in the house. I was trying to catch my breath financially after I had to fork out money to get a new car after my old one started to cost too much to keep it road worthy. And on top of it all one after another vet bills. So when I had a major leak in the house from a hot water system in the roof cavity that I just did some electrical repairs on few days before I lost it. I mean, you have a huge tank full of water with a leak in a roof cavity of a pretty old farm house!! SCARY! I was ready to walk. I was ready to give up. But I was heart broken. I realised how much I loved it here, but I thought I just wasn't meant to be happy. I was sure my guides were pushing me, bringing me to my knees to finally make that heartbreaking decision of selling. You see, my mum had to sell our house back in Poland that my dad built and I know how hard it would've been. She was a young widow with 3 kids in Poland where support for single parents would not have been much. I’m a lineage breaker. I've been determined to break all the ancestral patterns. Me single with 3 kids... A long time ago I realised me and mum had some kind of an ancestral wounding/ trauma cord bond. I held on to this place for so long! You see I believed that's what I was supposed to do to break the pattern. To hold on to this place no matter what. But that day I was ready to walk... 

A friend came and had a quick check and couldn't find any major issues. My girl had a basketball tournament that weekend so somehow I pulled myself together and even though every cell of my body was aching I closed the door behind me that day with an intention of being fully present for her that weekend. You see, it was a deep ancestral wound coming up to the surface and for those who did this kind of deep diving will understand how painful it is. It's not surface stuff. It's soul deep. I had a wonderful day. My girl and her team did an amazing job and the other parents that came that day made me realise I'm so freaking blessed. To be surrounded by such amazing humans. I must be doing something right to deserve that. That weekend something shifted. Yes! I deserved to be happy. 

I decided I needed more answers before I decide to walk. I needed to see where I was stuck. I asked my guides to show me where my soul was stuck and I journeyed again. I was taken to my kids' tree house. I looked and in the distance there was an absolutely HUGE storm brewing. Big heavy clouds. They looked angry. And then suddenly I was guided to walk into the tree. I became the tree. I felt my feet anchoring like the roots of the tree into the ground. My arms reaching up like the branches of the tree. I knew what was going to happen next. The storm kept approaching fast. Lightning bolts coming fast and furious from the heavens. And then finally the first lighting struck me, the tree. God, I felt the electrical charge. Then another lighting bolt and another. I was holding so strong with my feet, the roots. Determined to move the electric charge through my body and into the ground for release. With every strike I felt the energy move through my body down my feet. It felt shattering, but I was still standing... My vision ended. My fear of electrical storms became so clear all of a sudden. My "electrical storms" were those major soul shattering events in my life ( losing my soul mate my brother, my beloved father, closely followed by losing an uncle who loved me like his own daughter he never had and grandfather whom I adored), but I was also stuck in there. Subconsciously believing that that was all I deserved stemming from my brother's death and unintentionally manifesting hardship in my reality. I was afraid to be fully happy. I believed I was responsible for other's happiness all stemming from that day. I believed I had to carry the burden for others. But I worked through that trauma already and I did not want to stay stuck in that tree any longer. I journeyed again. I asked my spirits to help me cut the cord. To free my soul. I intentionally journeyed to my children's tree house again. Yes, there was a storm brewing in the distance and it was approaching fast. It was the same scenery from my first journey, but this time I did not choose to become that tree. I chose to step aside. I chose to not take the heavy load of old, outdated, ancestral patterns and old self sabotaging beliefs. A beautiful example of soul retrieval and how quantum/ energy healing works. I lied down, a safe distance to the tree in a foetal position, my hands over my head and this time I let the storm pull that tree down. I let it burn it down to the grown. And then the storm passed and the day turned into blue skies and the sun came out. The ebb and flow of life. The air was filled with hope for regeneration after destruction. There was nothing left of the old tree. With puffs of smoke still coming from the debris I noticed a little girl sitting there waiting for me. My inner child, my little 5yo self. She was holding a little seedling of a tree and she reached out her hand beconing me to walk with her. I grabbed her hand and we walked. We walked in search of finding a new place to plant our new healthy tree.

We are obviously still here on our farm. Whether we stay here long term or not I don't know. What’s meant to be will be. What I do know is I'm prepared to put in hard work to stay here. Not because of fear of repeating old patterns, but because deep down I do believe I deserve to be happy and right now HERE is where I am truly happy. I have managed to cut a major energetic cord that day I journeyed. 

I was so happy that I have finally worked out that fear of electrical storms until one conversation the other day that led to another revelation and a major soul recognition. Never, in my wildest dreams I would have imagined for my journey to unfold this way and I can't wait to see where it takes me next. In 1986, while I was experiencing one of my soul shattering, metaphorical electrical bolts of losing my dad only 3 years after losing my brother, over 10000 miles away, on the other side of the globe, in Australia a little boy, not quite 2 years old yet, was experiencing one of his! Literally!!

To be continued...

From my heart to yours. Marta ✨

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