Freefalling

I had this really weird feeling the other day. Yes, we have an emotional full moon in Pisces coming up. Yes, I’ve been feeling the heaviness of the collective, but these feeling were mine. We are collective and (especially those super sensitive) can feel strongly the heaviness and the emotions that are running high right now. But when we get triggered it’s our reality and our feelings. I needed those feeling to come up to the surface to process them and let go so they wouldn't become part of me, but I couldn't really name them though. I felt "exposed, naked, not held". With an unexpected curve ball, that feeling ramped up and it was making me very uncomfortable. In the middle of the day, I gathered my mugwort smudge stick, lit my selenite candle, drew the curtains and sat myself to meditate. To dive deep. 

I asked my spirit guides to please be with me and guide me. Help me name that which was holding me back and so was yet again effortlessly taken to another world. I ran through my head what I could understand. That feeling of exposure, rawness, nakedness, not feeling held. When after initial awakening you set on a self growth, self development path, you go through a lot of mini death and rebirth processes. A layer by layer of old conditioning is peeled off to reveal the true and most authentic you. 
In order to become my most authentic self, I have let go of what wasn't authentically mine. I was in between worlds with one world as I knew it behind me, but without a clear vision of the new world yet. And then I realised what it was. I jumped and I was ready to safe land already, but instead I was in a full on spiritual freefall. I jumped off the cliff. Left the old version of me and my life behind me and I was suspended between worlds. I realised that as much as I jumped in my 3D/ real life, energetically I was still standing on that cliff. My heart and mind were not aligned. My heart knew the only thing was to jump. Subconsciously, I feared the crash landing. I was energetically stuck in the freefall… Everything is energy and there are infinite numbers of energetic versions of you and your realities out there. It's your choice which one you're on. Once you choose to go on the path of self discovery, with every death/ rebirth process you're closer to your most authentic self. But in order for that to happen you need to fully (and that means energetically too) walk away from things that no longer serve you, that are not authentically yours.

In my meditation, I found myself standing in front of deep dark abyss of life. The uncertainty of the human experience. The land around me was barren. There was nothing else left here for me. At that stage big tears were rolling down my cheeks. I knew right then deep in my heart that I had to shift that energy by taking that leap of faith and jumping, but I just couldn't. I was paralysed with the “not knowing”. I let myself dream again and that dream got shattered again. And after one setback after another I realised I was subconsciously manifesting hardship in my reality. Subconsciously, my mind feared the crash landing... But I didn’t want that to hold me back. I won’t fall into the victim mentality. So I let myself feel the disappointment and let it go. I trust my instincts. I follow my heart. I move on.

I called upon my spirit guides. I asked for courage, wisdom, to help align my heart and mind. Help me find the courage to do the energetic jump. And then there they were. All my winged spirit animals I met on my journey thus far. The fiery dragon I flew on a few times, the wise owl, wedged tail eagles, currawongs, butterflies. All of a sudden I felt safer. I knew I had to do the jump, but I also knew they'd be right there by my side. I was not alone. It was time to make that call. To switch tracks. And then I made that call and jumped. I felt the rush of air, the weightlessness. Thoughts rushing through my head. How on earth was I supposed to safe land with that speed??? And then I remembered all my winged spirit animals. I remembered my journey though other dimensions thus far and then I heard a voice: "Your wings already exist...". That's right! All I had to do was fly and at that moment I spread my arms and beautiful feathery wings unfurled just in time. I looked up. The new world, new terrain not quite clear yet, but I was fully surrendered to my journey towards the new. Towards what’s authentically mine. 
I couldn't believe what just happened and to make sure I'm not imagining things, I took another few jumps off the cliff to see, if my (energetic) wings still existed. They sure did! And I was no longer afraid of the crash landing. The feeling was gone. I was no longer freefalling.
As soon as I got out of my meditation I had a phone call and an email to do with my new journey and 2 days later found a place to land with the kids. A little breadcrumbs from the Universe confirming to me the energy was no longer stagnant. I managed to remove that stuck energy. I don’t hope for safe landing. I KNOW I can catch myself. My heart and mind aligned.

When/ if you ever find yourself in a freefall don't fight it. There's nothing you can do. There is no going back. Nothing to hold onto anymore. 

LET GO.

Meditate.
Pray.
Sleep.
Rest. It takes a lot of work to go through an energetic upgrade.
Do nothing. Just wait for the energy to move through you.
Listen. Open to the dialogue. Ask your spirit guides to show you the way.

Trust me. You're not alone. 

From my heart to yours. Marta ✨

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