See ya later, Devil.

In traditional Tarot The Devil represents toxic and unhealthy patterns, beliefs, behaviours, relationships, etc. Two people, lovers are bound to the Devil with chains, but if you look closely the chains are loose enough for them to slip them off and free themselves. It's our choice, if we want to stay stuck or not...

I was never good with intimacy. Maybe because I didn’t have my dad or brother to protect me, maybe because we never talked about it, maybe it was because of all the stories I heard as a child of all the atrocities men did to women during the war, maybe it was what I experienced as a young girl or maybe it was my mother's voice: "Men only want one thing from you." ??? I don't know, I just did not feel safe. What happened to me was not a full rape, but it was a terrifying experience nonetheless. I was inappropriately, very sexually touched by someone who I thought I could trust. I was ashamed I didn't tell them to STOP, but I was paralysed with fear. I never told anyone.

I realised on my healing journey that all my life I was trying to prove my ancestors, my mum, the universe wrong, but all I could hear in my head was: " All they want is one thing". So I had to heal first and then rewrite that script.

Now, with my healing it didn't all happen in these clearcut chunks. It happened over a period of time, intertwined. A lesson was presented, then another one, then it'd get integrated and another layer would be peeled off. I put the experiences into lessons/themes so you could easily see the journey of reclaiming the lost pieces of (my) self.

I was experiencing a lot of sacral chakra issues. My cycle was all over the place doing its thing till it shifted by 180°! For a very long time at the beginning of the journey, my daily ritual was a meditation to balance all 7 chakras. I also used things like crystals, essential oils and herbs to promote particular chakra's health. Then I had some tests done and had to have a proper internal investigation. Even though I knew it was just a medical test, I was safe, the male doctor was gentle it was quite a triggering experience for me. A week or two later I had a dream. I didn't remember much, but I remembered feeling physically violated. I do a lot of work in astral plains and I protect myself heavily in my dream space ( crystals, mugwort sleep pillows, etc), but I travel places and often wake up feeling like a rag doll anyway. When we're in a dream state our soul leaves our body. It's a wonderful state and a lot of healing can happen, but we're also an easy target for any energy vampires and energy vortexes. I felt incredibly raw the whole day. I also had a feeling of somebody's hand over my mouth as to stop me from speaking up, to keep me quiet. But when a post appeared on my Instagram feed about sexual assault I knew it was time.

I decided to face the person that assaulted me. I asked the Spirit and my guides, my Higher Self to please be with me, to protect me on my journey. I called upon the man's Higher Self and opened myself to anything that may come my way. The man appeared, but to my surprise so did my mother. She was in front of me and said: “Men only want one thing from you. They only want one thing." And I couldn't believe, but on top of my lungs I screamed: "STOP! Just stop!!"

Big heavy tears flowing down my cheeks. I was finally realising all the bulls#!t I was carrying. I felt nauseous... 

And amazing thing happened after that. I have a track that I always listened to every time I did some major healing work. It's "The Offering" by Sacred Earth. And with every healing session it was my way of offering myself to the Spirit. Acknowledging. But it would also help me purge more. I'd very often cry listening to it and release leftover pain. That day the urge was stronger than me. I started singing with the woman. I have no idea of the lyrics, but I sang louder and louder feeling the vibration in my throat, in my whole entire body, in my soul...

I returned to the meditation and the man that assaulted me and whispered into my younger self's ear: "You're safe, you're loved, you're always protected." And sent loving light to that moment on my timeline.

* To book a healing session with me click here or reach out on thesaltoftheurth@gmail.com to book your FREE 15 minute consultation.