I'm a good swimmer now.
I always had a soft spot for fishermen. Maybe it was nostalgia and my dad's love of fishing or maybe it was my past life regression that revealed a connection to the water. In my other lives I was a fisherman's daughter, fisherman's wife, I got a snippet of my Viking connection and in my Lemurian experience I'd use my wisdom and my intuition to guide men to where to cast their nets for them then to bring the catch to me to bless. Maybe that's why I never cared that much about receiving flowers, but fish?? Yes, please. Could turn bit awkward when you're out on a date though ;)
My dad was away overseas for about 6 months before he passed away. I missed him so much. I had so much to tell him and I wanted to know all about his travels. All I know is he passed away suddenly around 2 weeks later. I never really got to talk to him properly after he got back. I never got to say “good bye”. I remember that day. First time for a very long time I finally had such a good day to then have my world collapse. It was the second time I was truly happy and then lost a loved one. I realised on my healing journey that deep down I was simply afraid to be truly happy... To feel the happiness in my core. It’s all great with the surface stuff, but it needs to be felt deep within. Unfortunately, very often we don’t realise what sits in our subconscious and blocks us from our truest potential. But there comes a time when you’re ready. Ready to admit it. Admit it to yourself. All that’s been blocking you. All the conditioning, patterns, limiting and self sabotaging believes and thoughts. I was blocking myself from true happiness... I was simply afraid. Afraid to get hurt. To have my heart broken... Again. And that fear spilled over all of my relationships in my life: with myself, my friends, colleagues, lovers. But you have to open your heart fully to feel joy. And that means pain too...
As a Cancer Moon and Venus and Cancer in Vedic Astrology and my past lives connections, I need to be near water. It helps me connect with my guides and I have effortlessly journeyed many times while doing laps at my local pool. To me water is emotions and it helps me process my own emotions, but it also shows me where healing is needed. Broken, leaky taps, blocked drains, broken guttering, stagnant water around the farm... To me they're all signs. I have my own navigational system here. Like my own google search engine. Spirit talks to me in many different ways.
Unfortunately, I don't remember much of my dad. I was too little, I was only around 9. But I know, I remembered moments that would be crucial on my healing journey. I remember a big fishing trip with dad and his friend. I remember we had to seek shelter from a thunder storm that rolled in unexpected. I was always terrified of electrical storms, but I remember how safe I felt in his arms. I also remember a day we went for a swim. We had an old water catchment, an old brickworks as far as I remember not far from where we lived. It wasn't the greatest place, but that's where a lot of families would go on a hot day back those days. I remember that day really well. Dad was teaching me how to swim. A big storm was brewing in the distance. I just started getting the hang of it when a massive crush of thunder sounded too close to my liking. I got frightened and suddenly started drowning, but he quickly caught me... Over 30 years later, I am an avid swimmer and have been doing a lot of laps at my local pools on the mainland and here in Tasmania. But as much as I considered myself a confident swimmer, I have never in my life been able to breathe on my left side during freestyle. For those who are not aware, the left side of the body is associated with the feminine energy in your life and any imbalances in your feminine energy manifest in the left side of the body while masculine energy in your life is associated with the right side and any imbalances in masculine energy manifest on the right side. So when one day on my healing journey I had the urge to just breathe on the left I was beside myself. I knew my feminine was truly coming back to life. It only took me one morning session and I was racing up and down the pool breathing both sides. I even gained a nickname "Barracuda' in the process. I have never felt this fast, light and graceful in the water. I was truly healing and the signs were everywhere. One morning which happened to be my dad's birthday too I was back in the water doing laps. I was taken back to that moment when dad was teaching me how to swim. Me and him in the water. But I realised he wasn’t holding me. I was the one holding onto him... On my healing journey I realised that all these years, I was subconsciously holding onto every single memory of him. Afraid I’ll forget. Afraid he won’t be there to catch me, if I “drown”. And then... I could feel him gently letting go of me and a whisper: “You’re a good swimmer now. Swim my girl, swim.” And in that moment I was back in the pool and realised how fast and how effortlessly I was swimming. Yes, I’m a good swimmer now. And everyday I’m able to “catch” myself... Healing my inner child helped me arrive at a place of surrender. And at this stage of my life, I just want to be happy. Do what makes my heart happy ( whether that's something big or small) and feel the joy, the childlike sense of wonder deep within my soul.
A beautiful emotional full moon lunar eclipse in the sign of Saggitarius is coming up next week and full moon energy is great for releasing and letting go. Release to the Universe that which you cannot control, release what no longer serves you. Give yourself the closure you need to move forward, to soar... Say it out loud. Write it down then burn it. Light a candle. Blow bubbles. Have a bath, have an ocean swim, pray, dance, cry, scream! Whatever your soul calls you to do and put the intent to the Universe. Release.
From my heart to yours. Marta ✨
(Read about the day that changed my life forever here )
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